11:11 Waves Blog 6: Conversations

Every Monday, I share 1 question for you to contemplate, 1 idea from me, 1 quote from others, and 1 inspiration for us.

Today’s topic is: Conversations.

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. I came across this quote from George Bernard Shaw last week and it made me ponder on the power of communication and how the quality of our conversations impacts (positively or negatively) the quality of our relationships – with ourselves and others.

One Question for you

Conversations have the potential to be transformational.

Discuss the question here.

One Idea from me

95% of my work (if not more) is about having conversations that matter. Conversations to learn, conversations to strengthen relationships, conversations to include, conversations to influence, conversations to inspire change and action. Based on my experiences over the years, I created a framework called the 5Cs of conversations which contains five elements or steps one should consider when preparing and facilitating conversations.

1C: Check your assumptions: Isaac Asimov describes assumptions as our windows on the world: it is important to scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in. Before approaching a conversation, take few minutes to ask yourself: What assumptions are you holding about yourself, the other person, the situation, the desired outcome? Where do these assumptions originate from? Who benefits from these assumptions? What are you pretending to know?

2C: Clarify your intention: Intentions can act as a reliable reference point in conversations. Clarifying and sharing your intentions can help coordinate your thoughts and actions, provide a healthy focus and, in case of disagreements, can help restore harmony. Before your start a conversation, take a moment to reflect on: What is your intention for this conversation and what benefit will that bring? What do you need to be aware of to ensure that your behaviours match your intentions?

3C: Cultivate curiosity: When we are curious, we ask questions, we listen more attentively and we are ready to learn. How can you genuinely be curious about the person and their reality? What are you seeking to understand? What questions could you ask to help with this?

4C: Choose your words: An Arabic proverb says Only speak when your words are better than your silence. Words have vibrations and can help uplift, inspire and include or bring pain, drama and sadness. Commit to your words: Does your message bring value? What words could you use so that your message is truly heard?

5C: Connect with silence: Silence allows spaciousness. There are insights, data and emotions that can find you in no other way than through and within silence. When approaching a conversation, take a moment to think: What can silence teach me? When you are in the conversation, pay attention and ask yourself: What do you hear in the silence?

One Quote from others

“Our work, our relationships, and our lives succeed or fail one conversation at a time. While no single conversation is guaranteed to transform a company, a relationship, or a life, any single conversation can. Speak and listen as if this is the most important conversation you will ever have with this person. It could be. Participate as if it matters. It does”. Susan Scott

One Inspiration for us

This week I am sharing a scene from the second season of the series called Fleabag (by the incredible Phoebe Waller-Bridge). The scene is a masterpiece in terms of acting. It’s also a masterclass on how not to have conversations 😊 Enjoy it!